Early in the morning he rises, without disturbing his wife who is still locked in deep slumber, and takes a bath before going to office. He finishes a lot of household work, buys fish and butter, makes two cups of tea, one for himself and one for his sleeping beauty.
The day begins this way for many men who care for the happiness of their family — though idle husbands with a patriarchal bent of mind are there, no less in number, in our society.
Shakespeare in his sonnets urged biological perpetuation to his fair friends and urged them to leave a copy of his own. The fair friend was reluctant to marry and multiply though the reasons are not fully known. In earlier times many such men were there with narcissistic tendencies showing no interest in marriage. One reason was getting jobs good enough for maintain the expenses of raising a family. Jane Austen’s words at the beginning of Pride and Prejudice are still relevant: “It is truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”
Money is not important for a happy married life but without money happiness in conjugal life usually remains elusive. It is a necessary evil. In earlier times even if men were convinced to marry, they did not want to bear the burden of caring responsibilities. Where is such a wife to be found today who is ready to bear all the drudgery of running the household, sacrificing her career options, again a beauty with brain? A man is a father and a father means one enjoying full rest at home unwilling to go and get a glass of water until his wife gives it to him.
However, the times are a-changing and so is fatherhood. A modern dad is not like his father anymore. He used to be the sombre man who sat down with the newspaper in the morning while the mother worked hard from dawn, rising from bed to make tea and wait with a smiling face for the idle husband in his castle of indolence. In his own childhood he might have seen his father doing that, after toiling all day outside home as the only breadwinner. The mother being a housewife all day keeps things ready inside the house and waits all day for the husband to come home. But now husbands even cook for the wife and make tea in many a home. Paternity leave was unthinkable at that time. Even today when parental leave entitlements are available many fathers are still reluctant to enjoy such opportunities.
‘Fathers to earn and mothers to raise children’, used to be the typical formula once upon a time. But these days many mothers are pursuing their careers and the father is not the only or chief breadwinner. The nature of fatherhood is changing. Nowadays a dad has to take time off to support his wife, which his own father did not do for him when he was a child. A dad nowadays has to go sleepless at night and change diapers at midnight to give some rest to his tired wife.
Austrian fathers now get parental leave benefits and it makes the family happy as gender stereotypes break. Sharing a wife’s care woes seems to be a holy duty and many women are lucky these days. Even during pregnancy and at other stages of parenting, husbands monitor the stress of their wives and stand beside them to extend a helping hand. We live in a patriarchal society, but here too men fight to provide flexible working arrangements for women. Men as fathers are now encouraged to take on caring responsibilities at each and every moment — to drop the child at school, to bring food items for the child, to take the child to the park in the evening after coming back from office without much thinking of his own rest, making tea and cooking on Sundays to surprise the wife. There are many such small things that create a great impact.
The notion that the majority of the caring responsibilities at home should be left to the wife has been debunked. Men should enjoy this new role in the family. The career orientation of both the husband and the wife can co-exist with flexible working patterns. Men being given paternity leave will make the world a much better place; it will change the mind set of the fathers.
Gender equality at the workplace ensures peace at home. If a dad learns the art of caring for children and gets the time to practise it at home, and enjoys sharing caring responsibilities, a home can be a paradise. It will ensure gender equality in the true sense.
profratanbhattacharjee@gmail.com
Published - January 28, 2018 12:10 am IST
