Imaginary friends are a fascinating aspect of childhood that many of us have either experienced or heard about. These creative companions, born from the rich imagination of children, can take on various forms and serve multiple purposes in a child’s life. To better understand this phenomenon, we reached out to two experienced professionals, Dr. Saras Bhaskar and Mrs. Arundhati Swamy, who provided valuable insights into why children create imaginary friends and the roles these companions play in their development.
Q. What are imaginary friends? What purpose do they serve in a kid’s life?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: Imaginary friends are companions conjured by children through their own imagination, taking various forms like humans, animals, or fantasy creatures. They primarily serve as a source of companionship, especially when a child feels lonely or struggles to make friends. Even in families with a single child, the absence of siblings may prompt children to seek such companionship. Exposure to television and Disney movies can also spark a child’s creativity, inspiring the creation of imaginary friends.
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: Imaginary friends are friends imagined by a child, ranging from pets to people or even objects given personalities by the child’s imagination. Children’s imaginations blossom around ages 2 and 3, and creating imaginary friends offers them comfort and a means of expression. Conversations with these companions are deeply meaningful, providing an outlet for children to share their thoughts and feelings.
Q. Is there a specific age group of children who have imaginary friends? Do all kids have these kinds of friends?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: Developmental theories suggest that children between 3 to 7 years of age are more likely to have imaginary friends. However, not all children have such companions.
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: The creation of imaginary friends typically starts in early childhood when children begin to vocalise and verbalise their thoughts and emotions more clearly. While all children might not have imaginary friends, research indicates that at least 25 to 35% of children actively engage with them.
Q. Are children who feel lonely more likely to have imaginary friends?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: Not just loneliness, there are other factors at play here as well. Children quite often look to confide in their imaginary friends about their feelings, thoughts, fears and worries. This helps them process emotions and navigate challenging situations because, with these companions, they do not have to worry about being belittled, bullied, or having their thoughts, feelings or fears shunned.
Another aspect at work here is experimental role-playing. With these friends, children experiment with different social roles and behaviours. The dynamics a kid might have with his or her imaginary friend can be as varied as that of a teacher-student or a doctor-patient or a parent-child. What’s interesting is that the ‘copycatting’ of these children with their imaginary friends reflects what type of attitude and belief systems have been anchored in their unconscious memory. Sometimes these imaginary friends also help the kids practice empathy and conflict-management in a safe and non-judgemental environment.
Q. How can imaginary friends influence a child’s real-life friendships and social interactions?
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: Imaginary friends have a very positive impact on a child’s real-life friendships and social interactions. When children converse with imaginary friends, they practice social skills by hearing themselves speak. The responses they get from their imaginary companions helps them understand how they come across to others, listen to different perspectives, and helps improve their social interactions. One key benefit of having imaginary friends is that it helps children build essential social skills, which are critical for navigating society and building connections.
Q. For how long do children usually have imaginary Friends?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: Normally, kids have imaginary friends until the age of seven or nine. Eventually, they start laughing about it and even share the concept of their imaginary friends with their real-life friends.
Q. Should one be worried about their child/sibling having imaginary friends?
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: It’s natural for children to have imaginary friends and it is part of their cognitive development. These friends allow children to express themselves freely and create different stories and scenarios, helping them make sense of their inner world without inhibition or judgment. Therefore, having imaginary friends is a healthy aspect of a child’s growth and development, and there is no need for concern.
Representative photo | Photo Credit: Dmytro Sheremeta/Freepik
Q. How should one react to their child/sibling having a friend of this kind?
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: When a child shares about their imaginary friends, it’s important to listen with curiosity rather than judgment. By asking gentle questions, you can understand and respect the world they’ve created and learn more about their imaginary friend or friends. Remember, it is a privilege when a child invites you into their inner world. Approach this with interest and curiosity about the character and adventures of their imaginary friend.
Q. Are there any warning signs in a child’s relationship with an imaginary friend that parents should be mindful of?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: In most cases, parents need not worry about their child’s imaginary friends. However, parents need to be mindful when the child’s expressed emotions are restricted only to the imaginary friend, or when, for social interaction, the child prefers interacting with the imaginary friend rather than real-life peers. Under both these circumstances, parents or caregivers are encouraged to reach out or get in touch with mental health professionals or the child’s paediatrician to explore and examine the underlying causes.
Q. What does having imaginary friends reveal about the mind and its development?
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: Having imaginary friends marks a developmental milestone in early childhood, signalling that cognitive development is progressing well. Imagination is pivotal in cognitive growth, allowing children to envision outcomes and generate new ideas. It also reflects on how they approach tasks and express themselves as they grow older.
Representational image | Photo Credit: Freepik
Q. Can children mature as adults but still have Imaginary friends?
Mrs. Arundhati Swamy: Yes, an adult could very well have an imaginary friend. I think we all do sometimes talk to someone in the mind. It may not be a specific imaginary friend and may not have a specific personality or character, but it may be just a voice that feels like a friend and helps you converse, discuss, and sort things out. As adults, we all indulge in some kind of self-talk as it is a means of emotional release and helps us gain more clarity as individuals. When the voice responds to us, it’s more like our conscience guiding us to find clarity.
Q. How do people react to the idea of imaginary friends in our country? Is it a taboo?
Dr. Saras Bhaskar: In our country, there are numerous tales, short stories, and mythological narratives that depict imaginary friends. Therefore, I don’t believe there is a taboo or stigma associated with the concept unless it raises any red flags i.e. exhibits concerning behaviours.
The experts consulted
Dr. Saras Bhaskar is a Counseling Psychologist and Corporate consultant
Mrs Arundhati Swamy is the Head of Parent Engagement Programmes at Parent Circle
