"Make not your thoughts your prisons," Cleopatra was told. In the present day, people are guilty of not only locking the prison but also throwing away the key. We are still unable to comprehend the deaths of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade and Bhaiyyu Maharaj, who seemed to ‘have it all’, yet were clearly unhappy.
Depression can be characterised by perpetual sadness, desolation, ennui and restlessness which, coupled with being friendless, can lead to desperation and doom. Unfortunately, the term has been bandied about without understanding the impact it has on those suffering. It needs to be handled with the same dignity as any other physiological issue. The person can’t just ‘snap out of it’ and the phrase ‘you have everything in life’ is unhelpful. It is difficult for parents and others to comprehend the magnitude of this condition.
The growing population of urban rich, the sense of entitlement that comes from never hearing the word ‘no’, and the inability to relate meaningfully with other people, cause depression and dejection, according to Dr. Vishnu Vardhan, Professor, Department of Psychiatry, RajaRajeshwari Medical College and Hospital, Bengaluru. This leads to a permanent sense of loneliness that makes people feel hollow even as they project a strong front. There is a desperate need within us to project happiness, which proves to be our undoing.
“Our urban population faces everyday stress, impacting mental health and leading to depression, anxiety, breakdowns and addictions across demographics,” says Dr. Ali Khwaja, life coach and chairman of Banjara Academy, Bengaluru.
“Depression is a combination of factors: over-expectation from parents, friends and self; an abnormal dependence on technology and friends; and an inability to handle setbacks,” says Sujatha Priyardarshini, a Chennai-based lecturer. “It is real, yet there is little understanding that mental illness doesn’t equate to craziness,” she adds.
‘Shamefulness’
Shreshth Bhargava, a student pursuing B.Com says, “Mental health is not talked about enough. It is still a taboo.”
We lack emotional honesty. We would rather shame the person for his/her uncharitable thoughts and feelings than acknowledge that thoughts are errant and feelings are real. “We love to sweep stuff under the carpet. Neither do we ‘emotion-coach’ ourselves nor do we our do so for our children,” highlights Swapna Nair of Sanctum Counseling, Chennai.
Family and school
Neither our education system nor our parenting skills teach children to be happy and comfortable in their own skin. Rashmi, a writer and a mother, agrees, “One of the best ways of raising emotionally - strong children is to teach them to express what they feel.”
Dr. Khwaja believes that there is a need to have open discussions on handling relationship and emotional issues. “We need to provide counselling, reduce unwanted pressure about exams, and improve adult-child communication. The media should stop sensationalising and work towards prevention,” he says.
Counsellors
“The in-house counsellor at school is a go-to place for shortage of attendance or poor performance, so people don't really go there with real problems.” says Bhargava. Touhida Rehman, a counsellor, agrees. “School authorities need to demystify the role of the counsellor to both children and parents. Children should be encouraged to approach the school counsellor at all times, rather than being ‘sent’ to them,” she says.
Samyukta Kamat, fresh out of college, believes that the role of the counsellor is more profound in college than school. “In college, each student had an introductory session with our counsellor, which helped us be more accepting. Despite that, we preferred to go to an outside counsellor, lest our peers see us coming out her room,” she adds.
Healthy self-image
In order to work towards a stronger society, we must to celebrate individual differences, accept reality, reduce competition and strike a balance between too many rules and no rules. Good self-worth can tilt the scales from hopelessness to hopefulness. Integrating spirituality and learning to value life could also help.
It would also help to learn and live by the quote, ‘You can’t have it all. You can have some of this and some of that or all of this and none of that.’ Finally, seeking professional help is ideal.
The author is a behavioural skills facilitator. chandrika1306@gmail.com
Published - August 06, 2018 11:24 am IST