Days when Cyrus addresses the elephant in the room Premium

There’s a day for every occasion and an occasion for every day. Let’s talk about kiss day...

Illustration for The Hindu Weekend | Photo Credit: Satheesh Vellinezhi

First and foremost, I must put my hand up and say, so far, the Canadian government has not tried to shut down my column. As for the Indian government? Inside sources assure me, they have decided never to read it. Looking at all the stories going around, like the build up to the Cricket World Cup, India-Canada ties, Ukraine war dragging on, and the closing down of Priyanka Chopra’s restaurant, (wherever that is, and more importantly, wherever Priyanka is).

It is up to me as a veteran, award-winning, investigative journalist, who has written for nine different English publications, and a Hindi one, with very little litigation to show for it, to take on, and tackle topics no one else wants to confront, or pry open. To point out the many ‘elephants in the room’, so to speak. (A word of caution, please don’t try this at home. Having more than six elephants in a room can cause severe breathing difficulties. So, if you have a lot of elephants, have the good sense to use two rooms.)

The ‘unsafe’ topic I speak of then is about the importance of the various ‘days’ that have sprung forth in the past 10 years or so. Mind you, and mind me, remembering seven days is a chore in itself. Most people struggle with Monday till Thursday. We really didn’t need the extra days. Folks, September 24 they hit us with Kiss Day. (Disputable fact). These ‘days’ are like religion, we can’t quite trace their origin, or organic scientific growth, but we are too scared to ignore it.  

Kiss Day refers to the idea of sharing kisses with all and sundry. Doesn’t work here. In Gurugram that’s any day after 7 pm and has nothing to do with voluntary service of any sort. Personally, for me, it was worse, I was stuck alone at home with the computer repairman. We thought about it, but then I don’t think the meagre compensation for his work, which really meant only putting the main switch on, would suffice for the humiliation and stress of a tender moment between us. (And on principal, I refuse to insert any hard drive and software jokes here).

Then we have coffee day. Which is both a ‘day’ and a brand. I mean what kind of a comatose culture have we derived into that, we have to be reminded to drink coffee. Rightly though, there’s no ‘Beer Day’ as nobody wants to confuse the regular Friday, which is already in existence, although many would love to add Wednesday and Thursday to that movement, and call it ‘Beer Days’. But drinking alcohol, or even bathing in it, are against our sanskriti, and parampara, and I for one will never endorse it.

Again. Then it gets worse. Toffee Day? Rose Day? Left-handed Elbow Ligament Tear Day? Dog Bathing Day? Inside-out-underwear Day? Park on the Pavement Day? Oh, sorry, the last one is a reality, not really just a day. I hope this extremely courageous act of journalism on my part has opened a Pandora’s box of questions? Why these days? Why have any of these days? Why? Why? In all likeliness, the General Elections of 2024 will be decided by the force that decides to take on, disturb, and marginalise, all these ‘days’. India, sorry ‘Bharat’, stop looking away, let us confront our common enemy together, by er... lessening our days we can ultimately save our society.  

The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.