“Imagine: a pottery workshop, a slow stroll along Elliot’s Beach, grabbing a nice burger, and ending the day by picking up flowers — well, for myself. It’s one of the best solo dates I have had,” says Afsheen, a 22-year-old cabin crew member of IndiGo from Chennai.
Plainspeak: Planning an itinerary for yourself, just like you would for a date with someone else — except this time, it’s all about you. But why? “Treating yourself to a quiet dinner at your favourite restaurant can be an act of self-compassion,” says Anupama Sreedhar, a Teach for India fellow in Chennai in her mid-20s. “Many dedicate their time, efforts, and space to others, but feel guilty of doing it for themselves.”
Discovering needs
Hanging out by yourself isn’t a Gen Z invention, but a deliberate solo date sets them apart: no longer being alone by default but a conscious call to prioritise what you enjoy. “Sure, people have gone to movies alone in the past too, but that’s not quite what the generation is talking about,” explains Vijay Krishna, 25, a data scientist from Chennai. “It’s more about intentionally spending time with yourself to discover your likes and dislikes, without having to accommodate others’ needs or constantly waiting for others to join you in doing what you enjoy.”
Ms. Afsheen shares similar sentiment, “With the buzz of social media and my work as a flight attendant, I am always surrounded by people. So, setting time aside for myself isn’t a luxury, but a necessity.”
For many sections of Gen Z, solo dates are a form of self-discovery and a choice to deepen their relationship with themselves. But there is self-care linked to it, a concept they’ve been embracing after witnessing the effects of unhealthy relationship, family dynamics, or workplaces on their peers.
An act of self-care
A 23-year-old recent graduate of the Young India Fellowship at Ashoka University and a native of Chennai, who goes by the name Vi, says, “I am not suggesting we should all be hyper-independent. We need people. But treating yourself to something special can be an important act of self-care. Self-care looks different for everyone; there’s no universal rule. As for me, taking myself on a solo date to a hair spa, writing a poem in a cafe, and ending the day at the beach, all on a budget, is my ideal day.”
Taking solo date comes down to this: claiming time for yourself, a way of affirming that both you and your needs matter. “I have never seen my mother taking time out just for herself. It’s been about running errands, like going to the bank or groceries by herself, which is miles away from a solo date,” says Atulya Venkatesh, a 22-year-old MBA graduate from IIM Visakhapatnam.
“Even when I decide to go out by myself, my parents ask, ‘Why alone? Why not with friends?’ We’ve been conditioned to believe that you can’t have fun or feel fulfilled unless you’re with someone else. Just the other week, when I went to a fancy restaurant for a lunch with myself, I was asked, ‘Are you sure you’re not waiting for someone?’,” Ms. Atulya adds, pointing out that being anywhere by yourself is still linked with loneliness, when solo dates are not really the case.
Ultimately, this concept is not about rejecting others but redefining ways to nurture yourself. Whether it’s a pottery class, a beach stroll, or simply a quiet meal at your hangout spot, these intentional moments are about: you are worth your time — no regrets.
Published - September 29, 2024 11:33 pm IST
